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Haha this reminds me of a blog post I wrote 5 years ago about the first (and last) time I made apple sauce.


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So I thought that I would share my endeavor into home made applesauce with everyone, INCLUDING my mistakes

Step 1: Get a good group of people together, add people along the road as necessary to insure that the car is full to capacity
Step 2: Drive 3 hours to buy apples, make sure that it is raining cats and dogs, and cold, it definitely has to be cold
Step 3: Go wine tasting
Step 4: More wine tasting
Step 5: Even more wine tasting
Step 6: Buy lunch, be too drunk to find cash in husband's wallet and pay with debit card.
Step 7: Find cash and buy apple doughnuts (Note that this will be the last time $60 in that wallet will be seen as an unnumbered step does include losing the cash)
Step 7: Drive around looking for apple place that is still open in the rain
Step 8: Buy 20 lbs of apples! YAY!!!!
Step 9: Be too busy to process apples for a month
Step 10: Go "Oh crap the apples!!!" and gather up all your stuff to process them
Step 11: Realize you are out of small canning jars and go to the hardware store
Step 12: Groan because you know the jars are half the price at the commissary, but they are closed that day
Step 13: Peel 20 lbs of apples (note: This step takes a LONG time, at some point you will realize that the cheapy Ikea peeler is the best one in the house.)
Step 13.5: in the middle of step 13, realize that you are supposed to leave the skins on for apple sauce, convince yourself that you wanted to make apple sauce AND apple jelly, and that the skinless apples are for the jelly
Step 14: Split the apples into three pots because the large pot is being used to make soup (woops! But the soup was really really good)
Step 15: be unable to find a recipe that tells you how long the apples should cook, and burn the ones in one of the pots, scoop out the good apples and put them into another pot
Step 16: have pot of burned/boiled/caramelized apples fall off the stove, land on one food, and dump all of the apples on the other food
Step 17: Scream, swear, and limp into the bathroom. Put your foot in the tub and keep it there for twenty minutes. Crying is optional, swearing is mandatory.

Step 18: Realize that since the apples didn't boil right, there is no apples juice, and therefor cannot make apple jelly, decide to just make apple sauce.
Step 19: Put all apples through handy dandy meat grinder attachment for the kitchen aid mixer (extra points if the mixer is vintage,more if you got it cheap (or free), a billion points if it has a hand painted EGA on it)
Step 20: While apples are getting smushed up, put foot back in tub of cold water for 20 minutes
Step 21: Put canning pot on the stove, boil water, and sterilize cans
Step 22: Put apples back in a pot with cinnamon and nutmeg to taste
Step 23: Ladle hot apple mix into sterilized jars, be paranoid that you will burn yourself again
Step 24: Burn your hand while putting a ring on the jar
Step 25: Boil jars for 10 minutes, take out, let cool
Step 26: Label the jars
Step 27: Go to the store and see the large jar of apple sauce on sale for 89 cents. Do the math and realize that each of the small jars you made comes out to about $2 a piece, try to console yourself by saying yours is better since it has no preservatives, or chemicals.
Step 28: Laugh as you write a blog post knowing that you still would have done it anyways (though maybe skipping the burnt foot part, that still hurts)

Haha this reminds me of a blog post I wrote 5 years ago about the first (and last) time I made apple sauce.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

So I thought that I would share my endeavor into home made applesauce with everyone, INCLUDING my mistakes

Step 1: Get a good group of people together, add people along the road as necessary to insure that the car is full to capacity
Step 2: Drive 3 hours to buy apples, make sure that it is raining cats and dogs, and cold, it definitely has to be cold
Step 3: Go wine tasting
Step 4: More wine tasting
Step 5: Even more wine tasting
Step 6: Buy lunch, be too drunk to find cash in husband's wallet and pay with debit card.
Step 7: Find cash and buy apple doughnuts (Note that this will be the last time $60 in that wallet will be seen as an unnumbered step does include losing the cash)
Step 7: Drive around looking for apple place that is still open in the rain
Step 8: Buy 20 lbs of apples! YAY!!!!
Step 9: Be too busy to process apples for a month
Step 10: Go "Oh crap the apples!!!" and gather up all your stuff to process them
Step 11: Realize you are out of small canning jars and go to the hardware store
Step 12: Groan because you know the jars are half the price at the commissary, but they are closed that day
Step 13: Peel 20 lbs of apples (note: This step takes a LONG time, at some point you will realize that the cheapy Ikea peeler is the best one in the house.)
Step 13.5: in the middle of step 13, realize that you are supposed to leave the skins on for apple sauce, convince yourself that you wanted to make apple sauce AND apple jelly, and that the skinless apples are for the jelly
Step 14: Split the apples into three pots because the large pot is being used to make soup (woops! But the soup was really really good)
Step 15: be unable to find a recipe that tells you how long the apples should cook, and burn the ones in one of the pots, scoop out the good apples and put them into another pot
Step 16: have pot of burned/boiled/caramelized apples fall off the stove, land on one food, and dump all of the apples on the other food
Step 17: Scream, swear, and limp into the bathroom. Put your foot in the tub and keep it there for twenty minutes. Crying is optional, swearing is mandatory.

Step 18: Realize that since the apples didn't boil right, there is no apples juice, and therefor cannot make apple jelly, decide to just make apple sauce.
Step 19: Put all apples through handy dandy meat grinder attachment for the kitchen aid mixer (extra points if the mixer is vintage,more if you got it cheap (or free), a billion points if it has a hand painted EGA on it)
Step 20: While apples are getting smushed up, put foot back in tub of cold water for 20 minutes
Step 21: Put canning pot on the stove, boil water, and sterilize cans
Step 22: Put apples back in a pot with cinnamon and nutmeg to taste
Step 23: Ladle hot apple mix into sterilized jars, be paranoid that you will burn yourself again
Step 24: Burn your hand while putting a ring on the jar
Step 25: Boil jars for 10 minutes, take out, let cool
Step 26: Label the jars
Step 27: Go to the store and see the large jar of apple sauce on sale for 89 cents. Do the math and realize that each of the small jars you made comes out to about $2 a piece, try to console yourself by saying yours is better since it has no preservatives, or chemicals.
Step 28: Laugh as you write a blog post knowing that you still would have done it anyways (though maybe skipping the burnt foot part, that still hurts)

I wore the apron! Unfortunately,  I didn't photograph myself because I had a one year old who was "helping" a lot.  Mostly by pouring flour into the oatmeal container.

Nom, I'm going to love this thread!

Hello, ladies! I'd like to start a helpful thread for those of us who scroll through tons of Pinterest recipes, and never make them because they may turn out to be shit.  Or, those of us who execute the recipes and end up making a pile of slightly digested dog shit instead of Reese's brownies.  Since my dog shit debacle, I've been very wary to try any recipe that doesn't have any kind of reviews.  So here we are! Post your Pinterest recipe fails and successes, and if your recipe was a disaster, let us know if there's anything that would have made it a success.  Pictures are welcome and encouraged.  We want to see your fucked up cakes, and your fat ass unicorn cookies.